My Story

I grew up just assuming I’d have kids one day, without thinking much about it. However, once circumstances were good for me to have children, I found that I had very mixed feelings about the idea of becoming a mum. But I was already over 30, and I didn’t want to regret not having kids, so I tried for a baby.

Despite my mixed feelings, this time of trying was really difficult. For some years, I was on a painful monthly rollercoaster of hoping to achieve and being so disappointed when I didn't.

Meanwhile, it seemed like everyone around me was announcing their pregnancy news. I felt more and more alone in not having a baby.

Thankfully, throughout this time I was having counselling,

and that kept me just on the right side of okay.

Importantly, I could express ALL my feelings to my counsellor – including the ones I was ashamed to share with anyone else in case I looked bitter or selfish.

I could also use the time to work out how to handle

practical things, like other people’s baby showers, or whether I wanted to have fertility tests etc.

Eventually, enough time passed that I realised I was never going to conceive.

So then I used counselling to grieve the fact that I was never going to be a mum.

 

My future life had disappeared before my eyes. Suddenly, the next few decades weren't going to be about raising children and then hopefully helping with grandchildren. My future had become a total blank. Everyone around me was living family life and I wasn't.

So what would I do with my life instead? What would I enjoy doing, what would I find fulfilling and meaningful?

One of my answers to that question, is working with people like you.

These days, I’m sometimes sad I don’t have kids, and sometimes 

feel lucky I don’t. 

My feelings vary,

and I assume they’ll keep varying

as I get older. 

But it’s actually not something

I think much about anymore,

on a day to day basis.